My friends ask me why I don't write anymore. I don't know if they are asking out of anguish, or relief. They have woken up the writer in me, and they only have themselves to blame for their misfortune.

I am yet to decide what I should write. A novel? It needs a lot of work, it can't be written in a day, and I am too lazy to write one. A poem? It can be short, sweet, and yet be full of pain. But it takes a genius to write one, you would notice there are so many Indian novelists in English, but not many poets. A short story? That is quite in the realms of the possible. But writing a blog is so much more simple, and easy to post. And I love the philosophy behind blogs: 'ere any thing gos.

But still I have to write about something. Or somebody.

I want to write about Bollywood. About Shah Rukh, Amitabh. Write a spoof maybe. But then I have to be careful. I can't offend Shah Rukh, though that may please Amitabh. I can't offend Amitabh, though that may please Shah Rukh. There are a hundred ways to offend them both, but no one way to please them both. And I don't want to issue an "it-was-an-indavertent-mistake-and-I-am-sorry-if-I-hurt-anybody's-feelings" statement, because I don't want to say what I don't mean. Like Shah Rukh and Farah did, when they apologised to Manoj Kumar for mimicking him in Om Shanti Om. I am sure, and the world would agree, they mimicked him because they wanted to. There was nothing unintentional about it.

Should I write about Rajnikanth. Sorry, I shouldn't even think of doing that. The whole of Tamil Nadu will burn. No amount of apology will work there. I would be better off writing about Karunanidhi, only north Tamil Nadu will suffer, or Jayalalithaa, only the south of the state will burn. Write about Anbumani Ramadoss, and I will be branded an upper-caste tyrant. His father would declare one bandh after another, and could even threaten to pull out of the UPA government. That's the saving grace, he will only threaten, not execute the threat.

I want to write about cricket. But I can't upset the BCCI. There are rumours they are going to charge the media for covering cricket matches, like Cricket Australia did recently. Write about Sachin Tendulkar, and I could offend the other Little Master, and Ravi Shastri, and the whole of Bombay, and possibly even the Shiv Sena for hurting Mumbai's pride. Talk of Sourav Ganguly, the Eden will become the battlefield of Plassey.

I could write about Pinarayi Vijayan and V S Achuthanandan. But I can't offend Pinarayi. If I do, I will be called a CIA agent, what I do will become yellow journalism, and the channel I work for a 'tabloid' channel. And I can't offend Achuthanandan. If I do, I will be called a CIA agent who works for Pinarayi, what I do will become the handiwork of global imperialist forces, and the channel I work for a part of the media syndicate/mafia.

I could write about conversions - all kinds of them, superstitions, false beliefs. But I fear offending Hindus, Muslims and Christians in this country. I have no place to go if murderous mobs burn two buses in Delhi and ask for my eviction from the city.

Friends, that is why I don't write. Writing has become a dangerous business.