Expert answers queries on parenting

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Hemant: How can I increase my daughters concentration in her studies? She is very active but does not concentrate in her studies.

Madhumati Singh It looks like she is energetic. Please help her divide her time with active outdoor sport and studies. Find out what part of the day is she most receptive with studies and gently help her get motivated with studies output?

Shanthi A: I am a mother of a seven-year-old boy. He is studying in 2nd std. My son is very naughty, he speaks like an adult, he doesn’t obey elders, and he always wants to play and doesn’t want to study.

There is not even a single minute when he is keeping silent. He is always gets beaten by others and always gets scolded. I am really worried about him and about his studies. Please give me some solutions how to bring him in control?

Madhumati Singh It seems that your son has learnt to take on negative reinforcement, that is attention seeking of others by doing something negative, for which he is scolded. And this becomes a pattern for both the child and parents.

It is important for you to break this cycle of negative reinforcement. You need to appreciate some aspect of what he does. Please do not take it as a difficult task right now but keep trying to encourage what else he does right, no matter how little.

You will have to restrain yourself from punishing him since it gets ineffective after a time and the child becomes resistant to it. Try involving yourself with him in his studies, maybe he needs your involvement to get involved.

Kobita: I have two children, a daughter aged 20 years and son aged 15 years. While my daughter has always been a fairly intelligent child and has worked hard on her own since she was in class 3, my son is just the opposite.

He is in class IX now and shows no interest in his studies. I have to constantly tell him to pick up his books to study and if I am not watching him, I know he is not studying.

The problem according to me is that he is not true to himself. By merely telling me that he is studying, he thinks he has done son. I am so worried about him as he will be facing the board exam next year. I am a working parent and my husband is abroad. He studies in a co-ed public school.

He was shifted to this school only this year as he was not doing well under the ICSE syllabus and changed him to a state syllabus school. I am really worried about him and want to know how can I handle him and make him understand the need for him to buck up else he becomes a failure.

Madhumati Singh I think that your son avoids studies. We generally avoid something that is unpleasant. So please find out what or which subject he is uncomfortable about. How is he coping with homework and term exams?

He may need a tutor, but introduce that only when he feels involved with his studies. You need to give him more time, focused time where you can talk to him and not merely instruct and direct. Sometimes growing up issues come in the way of studies of teens including friends and sexual issues.