Masand's verdict: Zindaggi Rocks

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Rajdeep Sardesai

26/11: Terror comes precariously close

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Cast: Sushmita Sen, Shiney Ahuja, Kim Sharma, Moushmi Chatterjee

Direction: Tanuja Chandra

Have you ever slammed your head against a wall repeatedly for three hours? I'm guessing you haven't and I wouldn't recommend that you do either.

But if you are curious to know how that might feel, then don't miss this week's new Bollywood release, director Tanuja Chandra's Zindaggi Rocks.

The film's about happy-go-lucky rockstar Sushmita Sen who finds herself falling for brooding doctor Shiney Ahuja.

Floored by Sushmita's zest for life and her eager-to-please personality, the doctor finds himself returning the sentiment although he's got a comatose wife just down the corridor.

Before long the doctor becomes the newest addition to the rockstar's retarded family which includes a bunch of loonies including her grumpy mother, her hideously overdressed aunt, a squeaky-voiced manager, an over-zealous chauffeur and a wise-ass adopted son.

Conflict arises when it's discovered that the little boy needs a heart transplant and they can't find a donor.

Even the most senseless films usually have at least something that's worth appreciating, but with my hand on my heart I can swear there is nothing in this film that deserves any special mention.

The script is the most amateurish piece of writing you're ever likely to come across. Believe me, it ought to be circulated in film schools so that students can learn how not to write scripts.

Practically every single character in the film is a stereotype, and as if that's not bad enough, the director allows her actors full liberty to ham like there's no tomorrow.

On top of all this we get dialogue that is so contrived that I'm willing to offer a cash prize to the first person who can convince me that any normal human beings ever talked remotely like these characters at any time during the last hundred years.